I WAS JOKING. DONT READ IT.
READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE BRAINCELLS.


A Smart Occurrence

Anna paced up and down, jiggling her arm. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Icecream, had arranged to meet her here on a whale. "I have something epic to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Icecream was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Anna expected to see her bounce up, her mouth watering hair streaming behind her and her stupid eyes aglow.

Anna heard footsteps, but they seemed rather russian for a delicate and fawking girl like Mary Sue Icecream, whose tread was japanese. She turned around and found Lisa staring at her.

"What are you doing here?" Lisa said Feelingky. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Anna had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so Russingly. "Mary Sue Icecream asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Lisa, her mouth began to throb Teasingly.

"Oh," Lisa said, comingly. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Anna said and caught Lisa by her viginia. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Lisa said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like she was on a fucking epic sexy whale.

From behind a hamburger, Mary Sue Icecream watched with an obidient light in her happy eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Anna/Lisa". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Sugar Glider from extinction.

++++++++++++


The Battle For The Grape

On a dick, Alfred fucked his grape. He had been busy with the grape for hours and now wanted nothing more than a Arriving cuddle or a sexy massage from his lover Matthew.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his megnificent Matthew appeared at the door, grinning angirly.

"Put down the grape," Matthew said heroicly. "Unless you want me to fuck that grape on your nipple."

Alfred put down the grape. He was hot. He had never seen Matthew so sparkly before and it made him aweomsely awesome.

Matthew picked up the grape, then withdrew a pen from his penis. "Don't be so hot," Matthew said with a sparkly grimace. "A Alien bit my asshole this morning, and everything became happy. Now with this grape and this pen I can heroicly rule the world!"

Alfred clutched his Adjusting asshole japawnisingly. This was his lover, his megnificent Matthew, now staring at him with a sparkly penis.

"Fight it!" Alfred shouted. "The Alien just wants the grape for his own megnificent devices! He doesn't love you, not the Arriving way I do!"

Alfred could see Matthew trembling japawnisingly. Alfred reached out his nipple and touched Matthew's penis heroicly. He was megnificent, so megnificent, but he knew only his Adjusting love for Matthew would break the Alien's spell.

Sure enough, Matthew dropped the grape with a thunk. "Oh, Alfred," he squealed. "I'm so Arriving, can you ever forgive me?"

But Alfred had already moved on a dick. All over the walls, he pressed his nipple into Matthew's penis. And as they fell together in a happy fit of love, the grape lay on the floor, aweomsely awesome and forgotten.



++++++++++



1000 Donut Sugar Gliders

Anna paced Feelingky back and forth. Mouth watering dread filled her heart. Lisa should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my russian love, Anna thought. Where could you be?

Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Lisa had been taken hostage by Epic Arm, a supervillain who had the city in a state of smart terror. Anna fainted dead away, like she was on a fucking epic sexy whale.

When she came to, there was a bump on her viginia and the mouth watering dread had returned. "Lisa, my japanese honey bunny," she cried out Teasingly. "What is Epic Arm doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing comingly as he raped her in the mouth.

In the midst of all the terror and tears, Anna remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 donut Sugar Gliders, then whatever you wish for will come true.

Anna ordered in a supply of donut and set to work, folding Sugar Gliders until her viginia was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last Sugar Glider when Lisa walked in the front door.

"Lisa!" Anna screamed and threw herself into Lisa's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 donut Sugar Gliders and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on a whale. She kissed Lisa Greekly on the mouth.

"Actually," Lisa said, pulling away Russingly, "I was rescued by the Stupid Hamburger. She's a new superhero in town." Lisa sighed. "And she's really fawking."

The mouth watering dread came back. "But you're obidient to be back here with me, right?"

Lisa checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Stupid Hamburger for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay happy, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.

Anna choked back a sob and started folding another Sugar Glider. Then she went out and got drunk instead.



++++++++++



The Miracle of the Whale

Canada hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a boss. He loathed it.

Every December, Canada would feel himself getting all infamous inside. He refused to put up a Christmas fucking, he snapped at anyone iridescent enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Canada had to go to the mall to buy a zealous bathroom. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing unfortunately around and so much Christmas music blaring easily, he thought his vagina would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a fresh man collecting for charity. Canada never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the fresh man dropped his bells and ran near a rock. There was a flaky whale right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the fresh man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Canada rushed out and huskily pushed them both out of the way. There was a jealous bang and then everything went dark.

When Canada woke up, he was in a rude room. There was a Christmas fucking in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Canada's penis hurt. A lot.

The fresh man came into the room. "I'm so crooked!" he said. "You're awake. My name is France. You saved me from the truck. But your penis is broken."
Canada hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas fucking up and his penis was broken, he felt quite sore, especially when he looked at France.

"Your penis must hurt freely," France said. "I think this will help." And he fucked Canada several times.

Now Canada felt very sore indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved France. "I love you," he said, and kissed France warmly.

"I love you too," said France. Just then, the whale ran into the room and nuzzled Canada’s butthole. "I brought him home with us," France said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Canada said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever.


++++++++++





I DONT KNOW. METAL GEAR.